Guns, Porn & Sex Offenders

Dear Parents of my Childrens' Friends,
I am learning to be assertive about certain things when it comes to my kids' safety, even at risk of offending you. The title of this post should give you some indication of what I'm concerned about. It's hard to come out and ask you about these things, and yet I am compelled to, because, as much as I might like you, I like my kids a whole lot more. And I would venture to say you feel the same about me.

Now that we have that settled, let's get down to business. Do you have guns in your house? And, if so, are they kept unloaded and locked away? OUT OF SIGHT? What about porn? No, I'm not trying to pry into your personal lives (OK, maybe I am) but you need to be aware that I'm not OK with my kid playing at a house with stacks of back issues of Playboy in the basement (true story from my husband's childhood growing up in a "nice" neighborhood). Do you have parental controls on your cable? On your computer? On their ipads? I'd appreciate knowing what TV shows/channels my kids might be watching as well. Think I don't need to worry about this stuff yet? Think again.

And who, exactly, is coming in and out of your house? Not that I don't want to assume the best about people, but, hey, I watch the news. Before I say "yes" to a birthday party or a sleepover, I want to know a few things that would be helpful if you put on the invitation. Who will be there? Whose house is this? Are parents welcome to stay? What exactly will you be doing? Will the kids be supervised at all times? You might have a laissez faire attitude toward parenting, but many of us do not. Please wait until I'm gone to roll your eyes.

Even though it's not the highest concern of mine right now, I'm wondering about your alcohol situation. Do you have any in the house? Where is it kept? How do you monitor its use (and by whom?). In case there was any doubt at this point, I'm not one of those parents who think it's safer to let their kids drink alcohol as long as they're at my house. And I'm going to be less than willing to let our kids hang out in the future if you are. Just sayin'. Will you be drinking in front of my child? I'd prefer that you not, to be frank. What about your prescription drugs? And, obviously, drugs of the non-prescription variety?

These are all things I'm learning to be comfortable asking. Up to this point, I haven't been because my children have been young enough that they haven't been going a whole lot of places without me. But now they are getting older, these issues are coming up, and I'm forced to (gulp) parent. I'm delighted to share ALL my answers to these questions with you. In fact, I'm going to volunteer this information and hope you will take the not-so-subtle-hint that I want to know what your answers are too. I've been inspired by moms with older kids who aren't afraid to ask these types of questions. Being a mom isn't a popularity contest, and as much as I want my kids to have a vast array of friends, their safety and well-being HAS to be my first priority. No, I can't protect them from any and all negative influences, situations, etc. But I have to try, cause that's my job.

The Disney Princess Thing

OK fellow moms. I know I am probably treading on sacred territory here, but it's worth a thoughtful discussion. Walking through the toy aisles at Target today with my 2-year-old daughter, she immediately gravitated to several different types of toys. 1) Babies- anything to do with babies 2) Horses and 3) The Disney Princess section which, as we all know, occupies quite a bit of square footage in most stores.

With Christmas looming, I am all for the baby dolls, the play kitchen, the horses, but I am definitely uncomfortable pushing, encouraging or even allowing the Disney Princesses at such a young age. Why? It's not the dresses, the tiaras, or anything based on beauty or body-image concerns. I, the hair bow maker, clearly appreciate fashion, accessories, and dressing up at all ages, mainly as a form of creativity and self-expression.

No. My problem with the Disney Princesses is the focus on the Prince. All of the fashion, beauty, and general princess-ing around have to do with "getting the man." (In my opinion, Cinderella and The Little Mermaid are the worst offenders.) I will agree that in recent years Disney has made an effort to have strong, independent types as the female "lead," and yet, there is always a man lurking. Now, I haven't seen Brave yet, but from the previews and what I've read this might be the one movie that makes it to my strict approved-for-Audrey list. I heartily appreciate the idea of a "romance-free" movie for young girls. But what do you do with the rest of the bunch? They are making room on the shelf for Merida, but Snow White and the rest of the gang aren't going anywhere. I, myself, LOVED all the Disney movies- but I probably didn't begin watching them until at least midway through elementary school. My little girl is only 2, but I see the lure of these beautiful dolls and their collective stories.

Here is what one article said of romance-free Brave and the "Princess" franchise

Still, the princesses share plenty of archetypal DNA, which includes a propensity for falling in love. The franchise stresses the romantic elements throughout its promotional material; its promotional material states that a young fan of the line “dreams of a place where clothes are spun of silk and gold, where balls are held in her honor and where princes fall in love at first sight.”
It’s a rich fantasy, and a lucrative one, as well. The Disney Princesses are emblazoned on clothing, bedding, dolls, straight-to-DVD films, MP3 players, theme park attractions and a laundry list of other brandable consumer products, over 25,000 in all. The line, as of the middle of last year, had brought in over $4 billion in sales.
The Princess characters have stood the test of time, aided by liberal sprinklings of Disney’s proprietary blend of nostalgia, fantasy wish-fulfillment and marketing know-how.
And, it should be said, romance and strong female characters are certainly not mutually exclusive; many young girls love Princesses and grow up to be strong, independent adults, too. But eliminating the Prince Charming element is still read as a statement, consciously or not, about the kind of role models and aspirational figures that can be made available to young girls from the start.
"I don't think that it ruins your life or anything, a bunch of really classically pretty little girls who has the one awesome thing that happens in their lives be that they get saved by a dude and end up kissing him and marrying him," Dodai Stewart, an editor for Jezebel, tells THR, "But when you see it over and over, it becomes a very narrow vision of what a heroine is. And so, I do think that it's really cool to have this kind of like -- I don't even want to call it an alternative, I just think it's exciting to have a different heroine."

And here's where my personal experience kicks in. I happen to have a rather dashing 7-year-old who in PRE-SCHOOL had girls "liking" him and wanting to "marry" him. In Kindergarten it became much, much worse. In the time honored tradition of school yards everywhere, he had girls chasing him and his buddies all over the playground. I know that's normal and I remember chasing boys at that age too. However, in the time I spent in his classroom, I noticed that there were several girls who had a (what shall I call it?) a knowingness and maturity to them that, frankly, made me uncomfortable. And it made Brady uncomfortable too. While he liked and was flattered by the attention in many respects, we actually had to have a talk with the teacher about one little girl in particular who came on so strongly that it gave Brady considerable anxiety. What I'd like to teach my daughter is that boys are our friends and playmates, but boyfriends, romance and relationships are for much, much, much later. Call me old-fashioned, but I don't want my daughter being concerned with "finding a Prince" at the ripe old age of 5. Let's play dress-up, let's get the tiaras, let's get dolled up, but let's not go any deeper than that.

My belief is that if you think very young children are missing the message of the "romance" present in the Disney movies (or anywhere else) then you are mistaken. I know that girls mature faster than boys, and I'm not saying I'd never allow my daughter to get into the Princess thing. I'd just like to delay it by like 3-5 years. And yet, outside of Homeschooling or going "off the grid," how do you do that when it's everywhere?

I've felt the same way about many of the cartoons/characters my boys have shown interest in. Spiderman? I remember my older brother being totally into Spiderman when he was in the 5th grade, but now Spiderman is marketed towards boys as young as 2 and 3. I'm sorry, but the storyline of Spiderman isn't appropriate for toddlers. The line we've drawn on some things is that they can have the "toys" but we don't watch the cartoon. That works for awhile, but it does not halt the incessant pull of the media on my kids' impressionable young minds. So, I'm asking for thoughts. Am I over-reacting? Am I imagining this? How do other moms handle the Princess issue?

Craft Shows & Etsy: A lesson in humility

Last November I did a craft show/bazaar at my church. It was my first one, and it didn't go particularly well. It wasn't that I didn't slave away, have nice things, or have a pretty display. Seriously, it was painful. I was sitting there with my mom and hours passed before I had even made enough to cover the $30 booth fee.   Eventually I made about $100, I think.

I had been told by friends who do a lot of craft shows that you can never tell how one is going to go; sometimes you make a lot, sometimes you make a little. I was also told by more than one person to do several shows to get a more balanced perspective of how well you can do. However, with 3 small children, getting ready for the show that I did do took a lot of time, energy, and money away from my family. So I didn't do anymore. Plus I felt demoralized and discouraged. I needed to lick my wounds for awhile.

Then I saw this quote while moping on Pinterest. "When I get sad, I stop being sad, and start being awesome instead." (When I looked this up just now, it turns out it's a quote from Barney on How I Met Your Mother.) For some reason this struck a chord in me, and I kept working at my bows and figuring out different avenues for selling them. That's when I also launched PookieTown Designs on Etsy. My goal was to have a nice selection of items ready for Cyber Monday, or the Monday after Thanksgiving.

I wish I could say this quote inspired me to become a top seller on Etsy and now I'm in stores all around the country. But I can't. For the last year, I've been plodding away with the Etsy shop, which hasn't set the world on fire, but I sell a few things every now and then. It definitely goes in spurts. Last Spring I took a booth at a craft mall; again, selling enough to pay the rent but not a whole lot more. What I do sell makes me feel better about what I spend on my hobby and I guess, in my mind, it sort of balances out financially (although my husband would probably beg to differ). However, having this little project has made the SAHM thing a little more appealing. It's given me something to sink my creativity into and I've really enjoyed the marketing side of things. Plus it's been my first foray into any kind of employment (I'm not sure this qualifies as employment, but couldn't think of a better word) that's not social-worky. I've discovered I kind of like business. And so, this experience, with its ups and downs, has not been a complete loss.

Surgery and the Toddler Turncoat

Last Wednesday, I had my gall bladder removed. I'm still not sure I can explain exactly why it needed to come out. All I know is I had intermittent stomach pain and one gall bladder attack. Apparently there's not much medical science says you can do to "fix it" without removing the gall bladder. I had an ultrasound which revealed "small stones" and "sludge," which sounds incredibly disgusting because it is. The surgery went OK. After three c-sections this seemed like a piece of cake. It was Laparoscopic, which meant that it was out patient and I could go home the same day.

The only problem was that even if it's Laparoscopic, it's still surgery, and there's still recovery time involved. For someone with three kids age 7 and under (one of whom just turned 2) my life requires lots of alertness and lifting. And since I'm a Real Housewife of Elkhart County rather than Orange County I don't have a household staff waiting at my beck and call to fulfill my every whim and desire, I had to call for reinforcements. So my wonderful mother and mother-in-law each came and stayed a day or two to help me out with the meals and kids. Therefore,the kids had a revolving door of Grandmas for about a week who fed them, bathed them, changed diapers, read books, and played with them so I could sleep, rest, and recover. Great right? Yes, it was.

However, I discovered we have a turncoat in the family. I was surprised at how easily my sweet little 2-year-old's affections turned away from me. Due to my surgery and then the effects of the general anaesthetic, I spent most of Wednesday either at the hospital or asleep in my bedroom...without interacting with Audrey or the boys much at all. Which apparently, when you're 2, is the unpardonable sin. For the next 5 days she proceeded to ignore or barely tolerate me- far preferring whichever Grandma was staying with us at the time. How's that for loyalty? Now the Grandmas are gone and the peace talks have apparently begun. This a.m. she approached me with her empty sippy cup and a grin (like I was supposed to forget her screams of horror when I tried to kiss her goodnight a few days ago). I was tempted to be all like, "Oh, so you want me to get you your milk, do ya?" But who was I kidding, I was a sucker for the big eyes and soft cheeks. So I extended the olive branch sippy cup of peace. And now she wants me to come watch Curious George with her. I guess we're copacetic.

As for my recovery (thanks for asking), from last Wednesday on, I've sort of felt like the evolutionary "Cro-Magnon Man." Every day I could stand a little straighter. And today they gave me my spear back...