SAHM, Housewife, or Homemaker?

For those who don't know, SAHM stands for stay-at-home-mom. I guess this is the newer generation's term for "housewife" or "homemaker." I tend to refer to myself as a SAHM because somehow I think it better depicts what I am actually doing every day. For many women who do not work outside the home, it's a little off-putting when you have to list your occupation on forms. Not to say I don't think what I do is incredibly valuable, necessary or important. I do, and I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't think so. However, I do think some people's personalities are more suited to this lifestyle than others. 

I quit my job as a victim-offender mediator over 6 years ago when my first baby was 9 months old. I have always known that someday I will go back to work, although I am not sure what type of work that will be. That's a blog post for another day (or days). Among those I have lived with, including my husband, former roommates, and mother, they would probably tell you that I am not a tidy person. I wouldn't, however,  label myself a "slob," (although I may be only a few steps down from that). I have a hard enough time picking up after myself, so managing a household with one other adult and 3 children age 7 and under is often more than I can handle or want to handle. I love my children passionately and enjoy them immensely, but I have always felt more comfortable relating to adults. 

Therefore, I wouldn't call myself a "homemaker" which is a term with far too much of a domestic connotation for me to be comfortable with.  It seems to me homemakers should have a garden, bake their own bread, can their own food, hem their kids' clothes, run Vacation Bible School every year, enjoy cleaning, etc. I grew up with homemakers. Church ladies are, by and large, homemakers. I have aspired to be a homemaker with limited success. 

No doubt influenced by my (excremental) reality TV viewing tastes, the term "housewife," on the other hand, now has a whole other connotation for me. A housewife is a "lady who lunches," whose work is raising money for charities, who owns cocktail dresses (and has occasions to wear them). She is not involved with the grunt work of running a home; she has a cleaning service and a decorator. I don't fit into either of these groups. Frankly, I don't even think I know anyone who fits the "housewife" category I just described. I'm simply describing the "Housewife" phenomenon on Bravo which has fascinated a nation. 

I once read a book about this subject and the author suggested the term  "alma de casa" which translates to spirit of the home. Isn't that lovely? That is, if it's a nice spirit. But sometimes the spirit of this home feels like the grim reaper, albeit holding a spatula instead of a scythe. I'm not trying to start any "mommy wars" with this post. One thing I've noticed is how judgmental and sensitive some women can be on this topic. I don't get that. I count myself fortunate to have the ability to stay home with my kids, but I think all choices are valid and valuable. I am just commenting on where I am in life and my own experience. What about the rest of you? What do you say when people ask you what you do? How do you fill in the "occupation" line?

Me and Facebook (or Why I Eventually Gave In)

Until a couple of months ago, I might have been the last person (besides my husband) under age 40 who was not on Facebook. Technically, I had "business" Facebook page for PookieTown Designs, but I didn't do much with it. Why the delay? Here are my reasons.

1. Originally, I had a problem with the whole Facebook lexicon of "friending," "unfriending," and "liking" and "disliking." It seemed so high school. A place and an attitude I didn't care to revisit.
2. As time went on, I became a little sore about the fact that my friends, people I'd grown up with, people I went to college with (but didn't see anymore because I moved a few hours North) stopped calling me and even slowly stopped responding to emails. What did I hear about this? "You should get on Facebook." What did I infer? "I don't care about you enough to spend any time maintaining this relationship." {It's not like I sat around all day dwelling on this. After all, I (and most of my friends) were busy growing careers and/or families; but when the mention of certain people came up, a little ache in my heart would throb, like an old wound that never really healed.} 
3. Being a SAHM I always sort of feel intimidated by other women who work outside the home. I have the bad habit of assuming that their lives are busier and more important, and therefore if I was on Facebook posting about my life everyone would see how boring/unimportant/uninteresting I really am. 
4. I felt like Facebook just fostered narcissism & superficial relationships. If I have a friend, I want to be a friend. I pride myself on being loyal to my friends, and this absence of communication felt like a betrayal.  I  accept and know to be true that part of becoming an adult is learning to adjust to the seasons of life. It's difficult to maintain relationships with people who are no longer in your day-to-day life, but...
5. I am stubborn.

Then I was informed that a friend's daughter had cancer. This wasn't just any friend. This was my best friend from college. The person I lived with, laughed with, fought with, and shared clothes with for 4 years. And probably the person I most missed in terms of "long lost friends." Our drift, like most probably do, happened gradually. Fading from phone calls and a few visits, showers for that first baby, to infrequent text messages, and emails, ultimately to annual Christmas cards and birth announcements for the subsequent babies (if that). The conversations we did have felt so stilted and awkward (at least to me) I almost felt worse after having them. I knew my friend was busy. She had a little boy with special needs, a daughter, a job, a husband and a life. I got it, I really did...but it still stung. 

And then her little girl's cancer came back and the unfairness of it all took my breath away. As soon as the news broke that a tumor which had been removed 6 months previously was back and had progressed to stage 4, I got online and found their family picture on a mutual friend's website. It dawned on me that I hadn't even seen a picture of my friend, her family, or her children, in years. A support page was quickly created on Facebook for their family. I thought about it for about 5 seconds and decided if there was ever a time to get on Facebook now was that time. All of my reasons for not being on Facebook were about me, and this was most assuredly NOT. 

In the few months I've been on Facebook, I've "reconnected" with many of those people I had completely lost contact with. It's been lovely to see their faces, get updates, see pictures of their children, etc. So is Facebook the time-sucking vortex of narcissism that I once believed it to be? The answer, which most of you probably already know, is "it can be." 

I have also since had the insight that maybe my friends had felt rejected by me for not joining a forum in which they could easily stay in touch. Perhaps, in my refusal to join Facebook, I was demanding that any relationship I have with people be on my terms. That last one didn't sit well with me and the image I had of myself. I feel as though now I have created a bridge for people to be a part of my life, if they so choose. Additionally, I have been moved by and seen the tremendous power of social media for uniting people in a common cause, e.g. supporting a 4-year-old girl fighting for her life.  I've taken a lot of well-deserved guff from people who know how I felt about Facebook. But I'm OK with it. I'm taking care of my side of the street, as Dr. Phil would say, and that's all I can do. 

 

For the Love of Ribbon

There's something so cheerful and well, hopeful, about ribbon, isn't there? That's why we use ribbons to raise awareness for different causes. (Are you ready for the onslaught of pink next month??) This practice of using ribbon as a symbolic token dates back to the 19th century when women would wear a yellow ribbon around their necks to signify their devotion to their sweethearts serving in the Calvary (thank you Wikipedia!).

But there's something about a little girl wearing a bow in her hair that is so charming and optimistic- to me it represents the promise of beauty and grace that all little girls carry inside them. It says to the world, "This little girl is special."

I love shopping for ribbon. I love all the different colors, textures, prints, and solids. I love grosgrain, satin, organza, velvet and glitter ribbon. But it took me awhile to learn that not all ribbon is created equal and not every ribbon is good for every purpose.

For hair bows, you'll mostly want to use grosgrain, (although a mixture of textures can make your stacked or layered bows extra special). I started off buying my ribbon at Hobby Lobby because it was the most affordable, but eventually discovered that just like everything else, you get what you pay for. Now, I buy my ribbon in a variety of places.

So how can you tell cheap ribbon from quality ribbon? Do this experiment: go to Michaels or Hobby Lobby and buy a spool of grosgrain ribbon. Then go to Joann's or someplace where they sell a brand like Offray and buy a spool of their grosgrain (I've found Offray ribbon in the craft section at Meijer and Walmart, too). The cheaper ribbon is often shinier, thinner, and almost has a "slick" feel to it. By contrast, the Offray brand will feel thicker and more substantial. Make a few bows with each and you can tell the difference. The more expensive brand will hold its shape much better and is generally more attractive. (Not to say you can't make a cute bow with cheap ribbon- but it's kind of like the difference between using margarine and real butter.)

If I just need a spool of something I usually run to Joann Fabrics. But if I am going to be getting more than a few rolls, need more than 5 yards, need something in a variety of widths, or want more variety, I order online from a store called RABOM (Ribbons and Bows Oh My). Their ribbon is great quality, and more affordable, especially if you get it on sale. I am a part of their "club" which costs $20 annually and that entitles me to other sales and discounts.

Other places I've seen online are The Ribbon Retreat and The Ribbon Carnival. I've never ordered from either of these places, but I sure like browsing, and I just noticed the Ribbon Carnival has collegiate ribbon (super hard to find).

So those are my thoughts on ribbon. I still have some cheap ribbon leftover from when I first started making bows; every now and then I think, it can't be that bad, so I try using it for something, and I am once again reminded why I normally don't.

What Makes Me Happy

My mom recently told me that pretty napkins make her happy. I know what she means, although I don't share this particular affinity. There's something about something pretty -- even if it's just a one-time-use paper napkin -- that brightens your day a little bit (in fact, maybe the fact that it's a one-time-use item makes it even more special).  So I've been thinking lately, what are my pretty napkins? What are the pretty things that make me smile or give me a little sliver of satisfaction? Here's my list, what's yours?

• the ribbon aisle at a craft store
• window boxes with red geraniums
• my pink coffee mug
• striped awnings
• a soft blanket
• chevron pattern (on clothes, on walls, on greeting cards, pretty much anywhere)
• the color yellow

A 2-for-1!

PookieTown Designs

So I make hair bows, among other things, and sell them in my Etsy store called PookieTown Designs. I got into making hair bows & flower headbands (predictably) after my baby girl was born 2 years ago. I saw ones I liked in the stores and thought they were kind of expensive, so I thought, "I wonder if I can make this any cheaper." It turns out I was right...and wrong. Yes, I can make them cheaper, but I discovered a passion for a new hobby that has definitely outgrown any normal person's hair accessory budget.

So now I have a small (6'x6') booth at a craft mall in Nappanee and I have done one craft show with my mom, and will soon do two more this November. She is the real crafty one, I'm just kind of a wannabe (but give me some ribbon and a glue gun and I'm a rock star).We used to have a scrapbook shop in our backyard and my parents recently did a two-story addition to their house adding a craft room that makes Hobby Lobby look like a hole in the wall. I'll have to get a picture of it up here sometime, it's totally drool-worthy.

It's difficult with 3 kids to devote any real time to this little business, and I often feel like I could do so much more if I was just a little less encumbered with keeping children alive, fed, and diapered. I've discovered it's really difficult to make any money selling hair bows- partly because EVERYONE is making hair bows and trying to sell them. Seriously.

Right now I'm about as busy as I want to be with this sideline, although I'd LOVE to be able sell more of my inventory so I can start making NEW stuff. I hope this blog can be a place where I highlight some of my favorite creations and share some of my tricks with other moms who want to learn how to do this stuff themselves (probably not the best business model, but hey, no one gets into making hair bows for the money).

Anyway, I also make a variety of other little accessories such as bottle cap zipper pulls & necklaces, felt hair clips, infant headbands, clippies, and fairy wands. Basically, you name it, and I make it. My mom contributes little baby onesies, although she is transitioning into tutu making (not available on Etsy yet). SO MUCH FUN!

Everything I learned, I learned online from tutorials, youtube videos, blogs, what have you. So, in a sense, I feel like now it's my turn to pass on the knowledge as well. For today I'll share the forum where pretty much all serious hair bow makers go for tutorials (many of them free!) ideas, and encouragement. hipgirlclips.com is a great place for ANYONE who wants to make bows for their little girls or for people already making bows to get ideas on running their business.

The Booth

The Photo Shoot from Hell

A few weeks ago, a talented friend and neighbor of mine took our family pictures. I was looking forward to this because, I determined, this was the year we were going to get GOOD pictures taken. For years I have looked like crap in our family photos. Why? 1) I am not photogenic to begin with and 2) I'm always responsible for making sure the whole production goes off so all my time is spent on making everyone else look great, but me? not so much. Last time, we had our pictures done at a mall a distance from our house and so I took all of our clothes to put on in the studio so they wouldn't get dirty. And I thought, I'll take my makeup bag and put some on right before we have them done so I'll look nice and fresh. Clever, right? Guess what? Forgot my makeup bag. I looked frazzled and sweaty (because I was).

Also in my last family picture the neckline of my shirt dipped weirdly, revealing quite a bit of my bra strap. Thankfully, it was taupe and the lady who helped us actually photoshopped it a little but, if you look closely, you can see part of my chest looks strangely blurred, rather like a scar from open-heart surgery. 

This time I wanted to have one of those family pictures like you see on Pinterest, where everyone is coordinated (but not matchy-matchy) and posed (but looking candid). So I shopped (and shopped, and shopped) spending more time and money on this than I have yet to admit to my husband.

The day arrived, the weather was great. The location, my mother-in-law's B&B in scenic Amish Country. Kids are always a wildcard and I was counting on my 2-year-old to run all over the place, and my middle child HATES to have his picture taken, but at least my eldest (age 7) could be counted on to cooperate. Right? Wrong!!! Brady, the 7-year-old, was truculent and basically a dark cloud of defiance the whole time. And there I was getting madder and madder. Mad that Brady wouldn't just cooperate, mad that Audrey was running all over the place, mad that there were choke cherries ALL OVER the ground staining our clothes, mad that Audrey's tutu was getting mangled from having to wrestle with her, mad that I had spent all this time and money and we were getting basically NOTHING out of this ordeal.

The good news? We got a few decent ones, and I look good (if a little chubby) in most of the pictures. At least there's no bra strap showing. The bad news? I'm not sure I'll ever fully recover (or the photographer, for that matter). I'm afraid what I will remember most about these pictures is my barely contained rage at my children, myself...the world. Not exactly what I want to memorialize on film and remember every time I walk into our living room. Family pictures are supposed to capture us at our best, am I right? 

Later that night, I overheard a slightly remorseful Brady telling my husband as he was tucking him in, "Sorry I made it so hard today." Well, I'm sorry too, Brady. Sorry for having such high, unrealistic expectations for this stupid event. Sorry for wanting to project an image of our family that's perfect and polished and put-together. Because that ain't the truth, and if my image is what's more important to me than how I treat my family, then I got bigger problems than you not wanting to unbutton the top button of your shirt. Sorry, kid. I'll do better next time.

Can't you just feel the love?

This is Brady's Kayla  Maroney "We are not impressed" face.

We've got a runner. 

Here I go again

After finishing a year of writing about lingerie in my previous blog, The Bra & Panties Challenge, I've decided, "Hey, I kind of like this blogging business."(btw, I've never actually considered myself a real blogger. I never made any money, I didn't care how many followers I had, and until recently never hopped on the social media band wagon).  But instead of blogging forevermore about underwear, I thought this time around I'd try blogging about LIFE.

So I've been doing a lot of "blog-stalking," as they say in the blogging biz, and I've been trying to figure out my point-of-view. The best blogs are usually organized around one topic, like organizing, for instance, or how to "go green" or politics or dieting, or making cool cupcakes, you get the idea. A lot of people like me who have a little crafty side business (PookieTown Designs on Etsy, ya'll!) use their blog to promote their business. But this is where it gets tricky for me, I (being the creative, multifaceted person that I am) have always had a hard time pinning myself down.

So here is my list of things I could blog about

• being a stay-at-home-mom 
• how much longer I'm going to remain a stay-at-home-mom
• parenting
• making hair bows
• being a Christian woman
• figuring out what kind of J-O-B I'll get when I eventually go back to work
• fashion, hair, beauty
• books, TV, movies 
• cleaning/organizing (how I don't like to)
• exercising (how I don't like to)
• redecorating my house (how I want to)

Instead of being boring and narrowing this list down, I think I might just try writing about whatever strikes my fancy on any given day. I'm generally entertaining and occasionally hilarious, so I do hope you'll join me.