Back to my first inspiration. The other day I was driving home and the song "Summer Girls" (I always think of it as the "Abercrombie and Fitch song") came on the radio. This song came out in 1999 and became popular due to both its catchy tune and asinine lyrics. Here you go in case you need a refresher.
Anyway, this song and the Abercrombie & Fitch reference always takes me back to my college days. There was a certain group of kids on campus who lived and breathed for Abercrombie & Fitch, and somehow they all seemed to play soccer or date soccer players. Once I went to an indoor soccer game with a girlfriend who needed a "wingman" to go watch a boy she liked who was playing. I sat there on the bleachers with other girlfriends, aspirational girlfriends, and parents totally zoning out because I had never even seen a soccer game and didn't know what was going on, when a certain conversation caught my attention. One of the moms of the players was having a semi-loud conversation with the others sitting around her. She was talking about going shopping and how she found some really nice sweaters at Abercrombie for like $75 and wasn't that a great deal?? And everyone agreed with her. I remember thinking to myself, I do not belong here. I had never felt like such an interloper. To be fair, I think I already felt slightly uncomfortable because this group of kids was just not my crowd. Now, I certainly wasn't raised in poverty, but I think I have owned one article of clothing from Abercrombie in my lifetime, bought for me by a boyfriend. There is no way on Earth I (or my parents) could have spent that amount of money on one sweater. Or think it was a "good deal" if I did.
Which brings me to my point. The semi-private/semi-communal nature of conversations held by spectators at sporting events. As I sit and watch my boys play and chit chat with the others around me, there is a part of me that is constantly on edge. The memory of that mother who unknowingly made me feel like a second-class citizen is never far from my mind. She didn't mean to be malicious, she wasn't trying to hurt anyone's feelings. She was just kind of unaware of how her comments could be heard and hadn't a clue how it might impact someone else. So here are some reminders for you (and me) as I am now the mom sitting in the bleachers.
- First and foremost: your conversations are not private. Other people CAN hear you. You are literally sitting inches away from other people.
- Don't talk about money. And I don't mean how much the popcorn at the concession stand is. I mean be careful what you say about how much you spent on something, what labels you like or don't like, etc. Basically stay away from anything that indicates class or socioeconomic status.
- Don't talk politics. Ever. I don't want to know who you voted for. (OK, maybe I do, but that's a conversation to be held at Starbucks over a cup of coffee.)
- Don't talk about other kids or parents, or your kid's teacher at school, or ANYONE unless you have something positive to say. Don't try to build up one child if it means you might diminish another child. This can happen easier than you think.
- Don't try to coach your kid from the sideline (this would be a request from my husband, the coach). {Although in T-Ball I think it's fine to gently remind your child to pay attention if needed; there are lots of kids on the field, and the coaches need all the help they can get. If you've sat through a T-Ball game lately you know it's like herding squirrels.}
- Don't badmouth the coach, the umpires, or anyone else. (You never know when the coach's wife, husband, or kids is sitting right beside you!) Especially if they are volunteering their time.
There are lots of Bible verses about watching your mouth, and no where are they more applicable than at the ball field. Here are some good ones.
- I think the recurring theme here is not to assume that everyone sitting around you believes the way you do or must have had a similar life experience. Just because you're both watching your 7-year-olds play baseball together wearing identical shirts, hats and cleats, doesn't mean you haven't traveled drastically different paths to arrive at the same place at the same time.
- Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29
- I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak Matthew 12:36
- Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24
- Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble. Proverbs 21:23
- Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. Proverbs 17:28
Now I know this can be hard. This is as much a reminder to myself as anything; I like to talk as much (or more) than anyone else. Sitting (and sitting and sitting) can lead you to be careless with your words. And chances are you do know most of the people you're sitting by fairly well. I think it's just worth reminding people to be sensitive to the others around them.
What else should be on the list of bleacher etiquette? Does anyone else have any stories similar to my Abercrombie & Fitch experience?
