Sometimes I Surprise Myself

If you knew me, and chances are if you're reading this you do, then you'd know I'm sort of a mis-placer. Meaning, I tend to misplace and forget things. Why, just this morning, I pulled into the Target parking lot on a quick mission for Christmas lights, reached down to get my purse and came up with nothing but air. It was at home. On the floor. Where I dropped it to hunt for my cell phone which I had also misplaced.

For many, many months there was a sign on the door leading to the garage that read, "Carmen, do you have your wallet?" This after, not one but TWO instances in a relatively short period of time where I got to the cash register at Meijer with a VERY FULL shopping cart of groceries LATE AT NIGHT and had no wallet. Vexing, very vexing.

I also got "stuck" in the Hobby Lobby parking lot with all 3 kids when Audrey was just a tiny baby. I thought my keys were locked in my car. Wrong. After I called the locksmith who ($50 later) opened it for me, I discovered that my keys were NOT in the car. After enlisting the help of mall security for about a half hour retracing my steps the locksmith suggested I check my bags one more time. I dumped them out right there in the parking lot and what do you know, there they were. Vexing, very vexing.

So, at this point, you might be asking yourself, what can she keep track of? Thankfully, I haven't lost my kids...yet. I also have managed to keep track of my prescription sunglasses for about 4 years. Score! And my wedding ring, which frankly surprises me more than anything else. I am not one of those people who never take off their rings. I have to take mine off to sleep, shower, apply makeup, wash dishes, bathe kids, etc. I tend to set it down on a sink, on my dresser, by the computer. Sometimes I forget about it and when I go to look for it again, it's not where I thought it would be. Thankfully, my husband has learned this about me and usually helps by shoving it back against the counter so it won't get lost. A couple of times he's put it somewhere else, in hopes to "teach me a lesson." He waits to see how long I'll go till I miss it or panic so he can pull it out of its hiding spot and lecture me. So now I'm onto him and if it ever goes missing I keep my mouth shut. So far it's always turned up.

Let's see what else can I keep track of? Money? No. (Hand me cash and it will usually go into my jeans pocket, to be washed and dried with the rest of my laundry.) The remote? Don't be silly. Appointments? Occasionally. (I wanted a smart phone so badly to help me with this, but I'm always in such a hurry I usually forget to enter appointments until much later.) Birthdays? Nope. (Unless I carried you for 9 months and birthed you, plan on me forgetting your birthday.) My own age? Sadly, no. (At some point past age 30 I started needing a minute to think before I could tell you how old I was.) This list is beginning to depress me so I'll just recap. Here are the things I can keep track of: kids (so far so good), sunglasses, my wedding ring, and appointments (but only occasionally). I think instead of beating myself up for forgetting/misplacing things I'm just going to start celebrating the things I do keep track of. Because sometimes I surprise myself, and I've always liked surprises.

And then there's this guy who said

“Forgetfulness is a form of freedom.” 

― Kahlil Gibran

He gets me. 

Hunting

I grew up in a household of men. Rural, manly, farming, sports-playing, car-fixing, burping, farting, belching, hunting, men. My dad had a couple of shotguns (used for hunting) and at a certain age, my brothers were taught to shoot as well. They liked to hunt quail, shoot clay pigeons, and maybe go deer-hunting.

From my earliest memory, I grew up loving animals. Especially cats and dogs, but I also had an affinity for dolphins, which I collected. I would get so ANGRY when my brother Michael would go out to my grandpa's woods and shoot at rabbits and squirrels. I could never understand why he wanted to kill animals for fun.

I even went through a decade from age 15 to 25 where I didn't eat red meat (which my family raised). I didn't like it, particularly, and that's what I told people when they asked why, although the idea of eating a carcass still causes a certain amount of queasiness. I'll never forget when I found out my dad had killed some puppies (out of compassion) after my Golden Retriever, Lucy, had a very large litter.  He did it because he didn't think she'd be able to feed them all. I still can't picture my gentle father killing puppies (and I try not to), but that's life on the farm. Hunting for survival is one thing, but hunting as a sport is something I just don't get. Yes, deer are a problem if they are overgrown. Yes, I still think it makes it only a modicum better if you actually eat what you kill. I've heard those arguments about a zillion times.

But mainly what bothers me is that this is something people do for fun, for entertainment. Taking the life of another living creature for the fun of it is something I don't get and never want to get. I've quizzed a number of people about this through the years, including my former pastor, a great guy who really loves to go hunting and who even has lots of "trophies" hanging in his house. He's a very gentle, mild-mannered person as well, so I was interested in hearing his point of view. He said for him, it was something he enjoyed doing with his brother, as well as the "excitement" or thrill of the chase.

I was in a auto repair shop in Shipshewana today, picking up a light bulb for my husband's car, holding Audrey while we waited to pay. She was the first to notice 2 deer trophies hanging on the wall. She wanted to go and pet them, which kind of made me tear up. I wonder what she thought about them, what she'll think when she learns someone killed them, chopped their heads off, and hung them on a wall as a symbol for their big penis for decoration. I wonder if she will cringe because she's a tender-heart like her mother. I kind of hope so. I kind of think my boys will be, too. It turns out their dad is a bigger tender-heart than me when it comes to animals.

Yes, I eat red meat, chicken, sea food, and pork. And yes, most of the time I try not to think about how it came to be on my plate. I agree that I am not always philosophically consistent (I'm to work on it). However, I continue to puzzle over recreational hunting, and why so many accept it without much thought. I get male bonding, and I get the "thrill of the chase" but can't those things be  found elsewhere, in non-blood sport activities? I don't know. My husband has Chronic Lyme Disease, I know deer can carry ticks which can devastate people's lives. I know that human life comes before animal life. And yet, I still worry that the joy that people seem to find through hunting makes us...well, a little less human.

And just so you know, if my heart breaks over Bambi, it breaks and breaks again and again for the suffering of people all over this Earth. I do believe that God gave us dominion over the animals, but I think this longing I have must be a longing I have for Heaven, where the Lion will lay down with the Lamb. I'm not a member of PETA, I love my family, I love and respect my former pastor. All of them are good men. But these are the things I think about when I wait in line at the auto repair shop and contemplate the deer heads hanging on the wall.






Not all hunters are men!

34 Things

My friend Jolene gave me the cool idea that on your birthday you should write a list of "truths," lessons learned, or good advice equaling the number of years you are. Here goes!

1. Be thankful for your health. Cliche, but true. 
2. Don't take yourself too seriously. If you do it will drive the people around you nuts. 
3. Try to learn to cook intuitively (e.g. without measuring cups and spoons, using what you have). It will save you time and increase your confidence in the kitchen.
4. Spend time one-on-one with your kids. They are different (and usually a lot sweeter) when you give them individual attention. 
5. If you have to leave your church, try to do it as gracefully as possible. Temper honesty with love and respect. 
6. Don't fear change. Fear not changing.
7. Take lots of pictures, especially of your third child. They will resent you later in life if you don't. 
8. Wear perfume. Adopt a signature scent.
9. Unless you are a man. No cologne. Just a nice-smelling aftershave or deodorant will do. Disregard all Axe commercials. 
10. Read. Read. Read. 
11. Be a server in a restaurant. It will teach you everything you need to know about life.
12. Plan to care for your parents later in life. (Do unto others...)
13. When you are grieving or going through a hard time, try not to expect too much of the people around you. No one can know what mood you are in at every given moment. 
14. When you see others grieving or going through a hard time, be a person who takes a step forward rather than a person who takes a step back.  
15. Develop an impressive vocabulary. Throw out big words every now and then, just for the heck of it.
16. Dance with your family in the kitchen while you clean up from dinner. 
17. When you choose a career path, try to pick something that will come in handy if society ever has to rebuild itself after an event such as a mysterious contagion or zombie apocalypse. 
18. Tell your children daily how proud you are to be their mom (or dad).
19. Never date someone who would limit your selection of footwear.
20. When someone tries really, really hard to convince you of something, there's a good chance they are needing reassurance for their own beliefs. 
21. Don't write people off because they have different religious or political views than you. You never know what you can learn from someone. 
22. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
23. Stop comparing your marriage to other marriages.
24. Give people the benefit of the doubt. 
25. Get over the way your voice sounds in recordings or on the answering machine. Chances are, you have made it through life without anyone thinking you sound like an idiot (unless, of course, what you are saying is idiotic).
26. Take bubble baths.
27. Don't worry about your kids' grades as much as you worry about them developing a good work ethic. 
28. Embrace technology. Roll with the times, people. 
29. Buy quality shoes and quality mattresses. 
30. It's normal to get out of bed in the middle of the night and make sure your kids are still breathing. 
31. When you're on a family vacation, you should sit around and decide what each of your names would be in an alternate universe. The catch? You can't choose your own name (right, Del?).
32. It's true that babies don't come with instruction books, but as a parent there are plenty of resources available to you. Don't be a person who knows more about operating your iphone than the development of your children. 
33. The stupider you feel the better it looks (advice for getting over your inhibitions).
34. Use semicolons; elegant punctuation never goes out of style.