My Parenting Book Library

I'm a reader. I like to read...just about everything. When I was pregnant the first time around my mom gave me a copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and I discovered a whole new genre of non-fiction- PARENTING BOOKS!

First, let me say I'm so glad I'm a parent today instead of even, say 30-50 years ago. I enjoy research. I believe in the power of a well-crafted, peer-reviewed, research study done by people whose passion in life for the well-being of children is so great that they've devoted their considerable, time, money, and talents to studying and helping the general public understand how children think, feel, and behave; and how we as parents and society can give future generations the best possible chance for a healthy, fulfilled life. That's a long but important sentence.

Now, with that said, of course I don't read everything as the gospel truth. Just because something is in print doesn't mean it's irrefutable. I've got an education, critical thinking skills, and a mind of my own, as well as my personal experiences to draw from.  However, I'm glad to be in a period in time where there's a wealth of information on how to do the hardest, most important job I've ever been given, how to be a good mom.

So the following books are ones that I have read (and there are times when I go through one a week) and feel should be staples in every parent's library. Even on the gender specific ones, I think if you only have children of one sex, it's worth it to read all of these. After all, your kids are going to be interacting with children of the opposite gender, might as well know what makes them tick too!

(Full disclosure: Just so you know, I'm anti-spanking so none of these books I mention will advocate for that.)

• The Baby Sleep Book by the infamous Doctors' Sears (there are like 14 of them). This was one of the first books I read on the subject of WHY WOULDN'T MY KID SLEEP? Anyway, this talks a lot about "attachment parenting" an approach that even if you decide isn't for you at least you'll know what everyone's talking about.
• The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems by Tracy Hogg (now deceased). This is a GREAT book and this is the one I credit with actually solving my eldest child's sleep issues. It was so bad that when he was 9 months old I stopped at Target on my way home from the job that I had just quit (I was exhausted, we hadn't slept in 9 months) saw this title and read it cover to cover in 24 hours. I consider this to be a great middle ground between the folks who say you have to sleep with your baby and breastfeed till he's 3, to the people who advocate "crying it out" even if he makes himself throw up.  This is where I learned about how to establish a routine. Another great aspect is the online community (which I read and used extensively) when confronted with certain sleeping/feeding/behavior issues. With women all across the world! 
• The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp. I wish I had read this book with my first child, but I still benefited greatly when baby #2 came around. I consider this sort of revolutionary. My husband and I watched Harvey Karp speak in Elkhart about 5 years ago. There was a baby crying in the audience. He brought it on stage, swaddled it, and calmed it in seconds. Amazing. "The Happiest Todder on the Block" is another good read. I also recommend his dvds and swaddling blankets.
• It's a Boy! by Michael Thompson and Teresa Barker. This covers a boy's development from birth to age 18. This was my first introduction to Michael Thompson who I LOVE and I wish I could put in my back pocket and pull out whenever I feel frazzled and overwhelmed with my boys. His writing is just so readable and easy to relate to. This would make a great baby gift if you know someone is having a boy.
• Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys by Michael Thompson and Dan Kindlon.  This book rocketed to national attention after the shootings at Columbine High School. I can't overstate what an important book this is. I think every person should read this. It's heartbreaking, eye-opening, and enlightening. 
• The Michael Thompson love-fest continues with Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children and Mom, They're Teasing Me: Helping Your Child Solve Social Problems. Both of these are great reads. You'll find yourself reliving (and hopefully healing) some of your own childhood wounds too. 
• Probably my favorite book and the one I most recommend is Parenting with Love & Logic by Jim Fay and Foster Cline. I really appreciated this parenting book's approach to discipline. My oldest child and I have personalities that clash quite often. This book gave me a philosophy, strategies, and things to say that worked and brought peace to our home. It's a way of interacting with your kids to minimize yelling, threats, and arguing. I was happy to see this book listed as "recommended reading" at our elementary's kindergarten round-up. I also really like their daily motivational Facebook advice. They have other great resources on their website as well. 

I recently finished Peaceful Parent, Happy Kid: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Laura Markham. I found myself underlining a lot. I REALLY like her approach to self-regulation. She is anti-punishment, pro-limits. It was an interesting read, it's sort of like attachment parenting for older kids. I just started Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen. So far I'm totally buying his approach. If you're a person who has a hard time getting yourself motivated to play with your kids 1) you are not alone and 2) this book will give you powerful motivation and ideas about how to become a more playful parent.

I probably have a few "honorable mentions" but these books are the ones that have shaped my core parenting philosophy. As a Christian parent, I particularly enjoy the approach used by Michael Thompson and The Love and Logic authors. These really resonated with my faith (although they are not "Christian" parenting books, persay). So this is my book list, what's yours? I'm always open for reading suggestions!

You look just like...

that girl from "My Two Dads"/Darlene from Roseanne/Celine Dion/Gloria Estefan/Jennifer Aniston/ the girl from Meet Joe Black/the mom from Diary of a Wimpy Kid/my neighbor/my daughter/my niece/my friend's cousin's neighbor's daughter.

I guess I just have one of "those faces." Complete strangers often feel compelled to stop me in the middle of the mall to tell me that I look like someone. When I was a waitress I couldn't go a night without someone telling me I looked like someone they knew or had seen on a TV show somewhere. Most of the time I think if you tell someone they look like someone else it's supposed to be a compliment. Only a couple of times did it make me want to cry. 

Here are pictures of some of the various other people I've been told I look like. Mind you, some of these I find more flattering than others (sorry Sara Gilbert). 

The one I've probably heard the most (although not in recent years since I think she's dropped off the planet) is Staci Keenan, of 80's and 90's sitcom fame. [Note: the pics I've included here I've chosen because I feel like they represent the resemblance people/compete nutjobs have noticed. Most of them involve dark hair and a somewhat prominent nose. Oy.]

Next up is probably my least favorite. Darlene (Sara Gilbert) from Roseanne. The first one is when she was younger while one the show, the second one is more recent. 

Next up are a few weird ones. Celine Dion and Gloria Estefan. All I can say is, if you think I have a big nose just tell me.

And here's another weird one. But I rather like it. My high school friend's dad told me once that I looked JUST like the girl in Meet Joe Black (Claire Forlani). Oh what a nice man. To be honest, I think all he saw at the time was a similar haircut, but hey, I'll take this comparison any day. Also, he might have been drunk.

In more recent years, a girlfriend told me that I looked like the mom (Rachael Harris) in the movie adaption of "Diary of a Wimpy Kid." I googled it, and this is definitely more like the "aging-mommy-glasses-wearing-me" I've been for about the past 6-8 years.

And the funniest one (to me) was Jennifer Aniston. It's another one that I quite like, although I think it's complete rubbish. Actually, it was really only one guy (a former co-worker) who thought I looked like Jennifer Aniston. After one hilarious and memorable lunch in our office's staff room it was revealed that Adam (who is black) thought that any petite-ish white girl with long hair looked like Jennifer Aniston.

As of today, add one more to the list. Apparently I look like the Duchess Katherine in her (bad) new portrait. The one that makes her look like she's in her mid-thirties and has spent all night up with one of her three kids who was sick/having nightmares/teething. Oh wait, no wonder she looks like me. 

My New Year's Resolution

For the past few years I've had the same New Year's Resolution. Get organized, and maybe lose a few pounds. Every year I come up with some kind of a system to help me stay on top of house cleaning, bills, diet, exercise, etc. This year is no different. I look to my right and see my desktop organizer (which is actually sitting on my kitchen counter) overflowing with stuff, as well as the  three foot radius surrounding my computer. We don't have a desk or a room to put a desk in at this house, and there's a lot to like about having my "command center" in the kitchen, where I usually am. However, we seem to be accumulating more and more and more stuff. Stuff that I don't know what to do with or where to put.

I have read the book and tried to follow (with some success) the Flylady, I subscribe to Real Simple and Better Homes and Gardens magazines, I read iheartorgnaizing, and my "Organizing" board on Pinterest is FULL of stuff that could make my home look like a magazine and, henceforth, my life a model of inner peace and tranquility. Last year when I got my smart phone I was just sure that a digital organizer would be the key to everything; however, it still takes discipline to enter your appointments and schedules as they occur. So now I've invested $30 into the upgraded version of my organizer app in hopes that the monetary commitment will make me use it more.

But no system or picture of a perfectly organized linen closet is going to be enough for me. It can be inspirational, for sure, but a lot of times that inspiration leads me to feel like I can never quite measure up. All of these things require discipline. Which, OK, I think I'm a fairly disciplined person in a lot of ways, but I have never particularly mastered the art of picking up after myself. My style of cleaning usually involves spending a chunk of time thoroughly cleaning, organizing, putting away, etc. followed by a long period of letting things build up again until I can't stand it anymore, then repeating the process all over again. But now I'm responsible for more than just myself... and things can get, well, a little hairy over here.

So I guess what I need to focus on instead of the cleaning/organizing/diet plan is becoming more disciplined. That's why I think I had some success with the Flylady. She works on building one habit at a time (i.e. you start by cleaning your sink every day). I also learned from the Flylady that it is my perfectionism that keeps me from my goal of an organized home and life. Unless I can do something perfectly or completely I would rather not invest the energy in doing it. Which probably accounts for the near-constant state of frustration I feel when I look around my house. So you see, I'm not really a disorganized slob, I'm simply an overwhelmed perfectionist. :) 

What to do, what to do. I looked on Amazon for some books about developing discipline and they seemed to be oriented around men in the workplace wanting to "self-actualize" (and thereby make more money) or diet books. Not really what I had in mind. 

So is it back to the Flylady I go? I don't know. I mastered her system for a period of time...but that was 2 kids ago. Not sure I can do it now. But that's why it's a resolution, right? To challenge yourself? If it was easy they'd find something else to call it. I actually enjoy the beginning parts of a new challenge. Once I get started I'm good to go...for awhile anyway. 

So I'm looking for suggestions, tips, resources, etc. from my friends and family, but here is what I'm going to do in the meantime.

• dust off my Flylady book, go through her website, see if there's anything new that I might find useful.
• sign up for another HelloMornings Challenge (provides accountability groups for waking up early to devote time to exercise, planning your day, and bible study). Registration for the next challenge begins Jan. 16 if you want to join me!