First, let me say I'm so glad I'm a parent today instead of even, say 30-50 years ago. I enjoy research. I believe in the power of a well-crafted, peer-reviewed, research study done by people whose passion in life for the well-being of children is so great that they've devoted their considerable, time, money, and talents to studying and helping the general public understand how children think, feel, and behave; and how we as parents and society can give future generations the best possible chance for a healthy, fulfilled life. That's a long but important sentence.
Now, with that said, of course I don't read everything as the gospel truth. Just because something is in print doesn't mean it's irrefutable. I've got an education, critical thinking skills, and a mind of my own, as well as my personal experiences to draw from. However, I'm glad to be in a period in time where there's a wealth of information on how to do the hardest, most important job I've ever been given, how to be a good mom.
So the following books are ones that I have read (and there are times when I go through one a week) and feel should be staples in every parent's library. Even on the gender specific ones, I think if you only have children of one sex, it's worth it to read all of these. After all, your kids are going to be interacting with children of the opposite gender, might as well know what makes them tick too!
(Full disclosure: Just so you know, I'm anti-spanking so none of these books I mention will advocate for that.)
- The Baby Sleep Book by the infamous Doctors' Sears (there are like 14 of them). This was one of the first books I read on the subject of WHY WOULDN'T MY KID SLEEP? Anyway, this talks a lot about "attachment parenting" an approach that even if you decide isn't for you at least you'll know what everyone's talking about.
- The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems by Tracy Hogg (now deceased). This is a GREAT book and this is the one I credit with actually solving my eldest child's sleep issues. It was so bad that when he was 9 months old I stopped at Target on my way home from the job that I had just quit (I was exhausted, we hadn't slept in 9 months) saw this title and read it cover to cover in 24 hours. I consider this to be a great middle ground between the folks who say you have to sleep with your baby and breastfeed till he's 3, to the people who advocate "crying it out" even if he makes himself throw up. This is where I learned about how to establish a routine. Another great aspect is the online community (which I read and used extensively) when confronted with certain sleeping/feeding/behavior issues. With women all across the world!
- The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp. I wish I had read this book with my first child, but I still benefited greatly when baby #2 came around. I consider this sort of revolutionary. My husband and I watched Harvey Karp speak in Elkhart about 5 years ago. There was a baby crying in the audience. He brought it on stage, swaddled it, and calmed it in seconds. Amazing. "The Happiest Todder on the Block" is another good read. I also recommend his dvds and swaddling blankets.
- It's a Boy! by Michael Thompson and Teresa Barker. This covers a boy's development from birth to age 18. This was my first introduction to Michael Thompson who I LOVE and I wish I could put in my back pocket and pull out whenever I feel frazzled and overwhelmed with my boys. His writing is just so readable and easy to relate to. This would make a great baby gift if you know someone is having a boy.
- Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys by Michael Thompson and Dan Kindlon. This book rocketed to national attention after the shootings at Columbine High School. I can't overstate what an important book this is. I think every person should read this. It's heartbreaking, eye-opening, and enlightening.
- The Michael Thompson love-fest continues with Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children and Mom, They're Teasing Me: Helping Your Child Solve Social Problems. Both of these are great reads. You'll find yourself reliving (and hopefully healing) some of your own childhood wounds too.
- Probably my favorite book and the one I most recommend is Parenting with Love & Logic by Jim Fay and Foster Cline. I really appreciated this parenting book's approach to discipline. My oldest child and I have personalities that clash quite often. This book gave me a philosophy, strategies, and things to say that worked and brought peace to our home. It's a way of interacting with your kids to minimize yelling, threats, and arguing. I was happy to see this book listed as "recommended reading" at our elementary's kindergarten round-up. I also really like their daily motivational Facebook advice. They have other great resources on their website as well.
I recently finished Peaceful Parent, Happy Kid: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Laura Markham. I found myself underlining a lot. I REALLY like her approach to self-regulation. She is anti-punishment, pro-limits. It was an interesting read, it's sort of like attachment parenting for older kids. I just started Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen. So far I'm totally buying his approach. If you're a person who has a hard time getting yourself motivated to play with your kids 1) you are not alone and 2) this book will give you powerful motivation and ideas about how to become a more playful parent.
I probably have a few "honorable mentions" but these books are the ones that have shaped my core parenting philosophy. As a Christian parent, I particularly enjoy the approach used by Michael Thompson and The Love and Logic authors. These really resonated with my faith (although they are not "Christian" parenting books, persay). So this is my book list, what's yours? I'm always open for reading suggestions!
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