SAHM, Housewife, or Homemaker?

For those who don't know, SAHM stands for stay-at-home-mom. I guess this is the newer generation's term for "housewife" or "homemaker." I tend to refer to myself as a SAHM because somehow I think it better depicts what I am actually doing every day. For many women who do not work outside the home, it's a little off-putting when you have to list your occupation on forms. Not to say I don't think what I do is incredibly valuable, necessary or important. I do, and I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't think so. However, I do think some people's personalities are more suited to this lifestyle than others. 

I quit my job as a victim-offender mediator over 6 years ago when my first baby was 9 months old. I have always known that someday I will go back to work, although I am not sure what type of work that will be. That's a blog post for another day (or days). Among those I have lived with, including my husband, former roommates, and mother, they would probably tell you that I am not a tidy person. I wouldn't, however,  label myself a "slob," (although I may be only a few steps down from that). I have a hard enough time picking up after myself, so managing a household with one other adult and 3 children age 7 and under is often more than I can handle or want to handle. I love my children passionately and enjoy them immensely, but I have always felt more comfortable relating to adults. 

Therefore, I wouldn't call myself a "homemaker" which is a term with far too much of a domestic connotation for me to be comfortable with.  It seems to me homemakers should have a garden, bake their own bread, can their own food, hem their kids' clothes, run Vacation Bible School every year, enjoy cleaning, etc. I grew up with homemakers. Church ladies are, by and large, homemakers. I have aspired to be a homemaker with limited success. 

No doubt influenced by my (excremental) reality TV viewing tastes, the term "housewife," on the other hand, now has a whole other connotation for me. A housewife is a "lady who lunches," whose work is raising money for charities, who owns cocktail dresses (and has occasions to wear them). She is not involved with the grunt work of running a home; she has a cleaning service and a decorator. I don't fit into either of these groups. Frankly, I don't even think I know anyone who fits the "housewife" category I just described. I'm simply describing the "Housewife" phenomenon on Bravo which has fascinated a nation. 

I once read a book about this subject and the author suggested the term  "alma de casa" which translates to spirit of the home. Isn't that lovely? That is, if it's a nice spirit. But sometimes the spirit of this home feels like the grim reaper, albeit holding a spatula instead of a scythe. I'm not trying to start any "mommy wars" with this post. One thing I've noticed is how judgmental and sensitive some women can be on this topic. I don't get that. I count myself fortunate to have the ability to stay home with my kids, but I think all choices are valid and valuable. I am just commenting on where I am in life and my own experience. What about the rest of you? What do you say when people ask you what you do? How do you fill in the "occupation" line?