The problem with this is that I love Christmas. I love the shopping, the music, the hustle and bustle, the decorations, the family time, the traditions. But as with many things, (especially now that we have three children), I am discovering that less is truly more. But actually doing less is fraught with fear and guilt that I'll be missing out and (even worse) that I am letting others (especially my family) down. However, I notice with my kids that the big emotional lead-up to birthday parties, Christmas celebrations, vacations, etc. often results in a post-event meltdowns (and sometimes we don't even make it post-event) complete with tears, tantrums, and irritability. And somehow I don't think any of us really outgrow that tendency.
So in order to Be Present and Enjoy More I am eliminating a few things from my schedule and to-do list.
- Making chocolate turtles with my family. I LOVE these turtles, and I love to give them as gifts to teachers, neighbors, etc. I love the day spent with my relatives. However, this entails a trip to Kokomo (therefore a whole Saturday) not to mention an extra tank of gas plus the expense of actually making the turtles. In a month where we are often gone every weekend, this is one thing I felt like I could give up this year.
- In lieu of traditional teacher's gifts (i.e. the turtles mentioned above) I've chosen to send a hand-written note telling our children's teachers how much we appreciate them, as well as to donate a small sum of money to Samaritan's Purse towards the cost of "teaching a child to read and write." Will they be disappointed when they see their classmates bringing their teachers gaily wrapped mugs, candles, cookies, and the like, while all they have is an envelope? Possibly.
- I cut way back on decorations. The more stuff you put up the more stuff you have to take down, right? Plus I let the kids and Brent decorate the tree this year. Every year I totally stress out about decorating the tree just right and get incredibly, unreasonably irritated with the boys for ripping stuff out of boxes. So, this year I gave up control and let them do it. While I was not home. I went out for coffee with my girlfriends and I came home to a lovely, decorated tree, of which the the said decorating did not involve me frothing at the mouth.
- No Black Friday shopping and very limited brick and mortar shopping at all. This year, I did almost all my shopping online. I missed my Black Friday tradition with my family, but I gave my Amazon Prime membership a workout! I have a few more things to pick up, but for the most part, my shopping is complete.
- I am going to send out Christmas cards (mainly because we had some nice family pictures taken this year) but I'm still debating on sending my usual Christmas letter. A lot of people really enjoy the letter, which is great affirmation for a SAHM who likes to write, but I don't really feel like it this year. Plus, now I have a blog and and I'm on Facebook. People can keep up with our family and read the funny stuff I have to say without the annual missive.
- For the "Be Present" part of this equation I am trying to be more engaged with my kids by 1) Giving myself "screen time" to set boundaries around ever-present technology, and 2) Picking a few fun things to do with them. Like reading The Best Christmas Pageant Ever with the boys (just ordered it today!) and setting up a date night with each of them where I get to be with them one-on-one. Watching cartoons/movies with them instead of just turning on the TV for them and walking away to do something else.
- Baking Christmas cookies with the kids is honestly not that much fun for me. And I'm guessing that my overall irritation with the activity probably kills any enjoyment my kids get out of it. While I kind of cringe as I write that and over how it might be perceived (BAD MOMMY!) I have come to realize that I don't enjoy it because it creates more messes that I have to clean up and then I just have a bunch of cookies sitting around that I'm going to be eating to deal with all the holiday stress. So I'm going to try to 1) relax more and 2) not do things b/c I feel like I'm supposed to or it's something I saw in a magazine. We can have some store-bought Chips Ahoy and hot cocoa instead.
- Outlawing Christmas Pinterest Ideas. Too many ideas + Too little time (x) High Expecations = Too Much Stress + Me Feeling Like a Failure.
- For any kind of vacation time, my husband and I have decided that we need to have one day at home to unwind before going back to work/school. The kids need it and so do we, especially when there is travel involved. We are a family of introverts; we enjoy being with people, but we need time at home to recharge. Does that mean we have to limit time with our family, many of whom we don't see that often? Possibly.
- As I read this list I am critical of myself because most of these items are things that have to do with me and my enjoyment of the season. (Bad Mommy! What about your children! What about the rest of your family!) But I am going to silence that inner critic and remind myself that I am modeling good, healthy, boundary-setting and self-care. In other words, "if Mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy." And I want them to be happy. And I want to be happy. So I will Do Less, Be Present, and Enjoy More.
What about you? How do you keep Christmas from overwhelming you?
I've actually done a little of the opposite this year and plan on doing MORE. We don't really have any traditions as a family and each Christmas seems to slide by just like it's any other day. I want to try some new things this season. With that in mind, I will gladly bake cookies with your kids and clean up afterwards. :)
ReplyDeleteWell, I think what does us in and makes Christmas the most stressful is the travel. We visit 2 different families for about 2 1/2 days each, spending the night. And we'll continue to do that because we love seeing our families, but it is HARD to regroup. Bless your heart for wanting to bake cookies with all our kids. I feel as though I should warn you, but then I'm afraid you'd back out...
DeleteI like how intentional you are being towards the Christmas season. I, too, try to do too much to make it "perfect" for everybody. But I honestly think a lot of it is for myself more than my family. I'm not doing Christmas cards this year. (I know, I know.) And it might not seem like a big deal, but after 12 years of white lights on our Christmas tree, we have colored ones. For the kids. It's huge for me. :) But you're right, Carmen. Making intentional choices for the season to be focused on the right stuff- That's my goal too. The only thing I don't get-- why you would deny me such joy of reading your yearly Christmas letter. Can you just send me one? My entire family looks forward to reading it. You're known around here.
ReplyDeleteJodi, sometimes we are so eerily similar. We have colored lights for the first time too. I let Reid pick them out. At first I thought they'd give me hives, but now I've decided I kind of like them. As for the letter, we shall see. Ego-stroking is the right tactic, by the way. :)
Delete